


There’ll Be No More Darkness

by feelsfuelme



Series: I’m Falling To Pieces [2]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Character's Name Spelled as Viktor, Cutting, Depression, Feels, Graphic, Healing Victor Nikiforov, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Original Character(s), Overdose, Paranoia, Post canon, Protective Yuri Plisetsky, Sad Katsuki Yuuri, Suicide Attempt, Therapy, Why do I torture Yuuri, Yuri Plisetsky Is Protective of Katsuki Yuuri, somewhat happy ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-03-16 19:44:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 14,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13643187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feelsfuelme/pseuds/feelsfuelme
Summary: “Yuuri was almost gone. The last of his vision was very foggy and he felt himself transcend. As if he was floating. Just as he began to fade away, listening to the song, the door was hit off his hinges and flew open, Yuuri’s head falling onto the side of the bathtub as a blonde head came into his vision before immediately turning into nothingness.”WARNING: GRAPHIC DEPICTION OF ATTEMPTED SUICIDE





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, for a better reading experience, I recommend you read the story ‘Breaking Point’, the work prior to this in the series for the story to make better sense, but that’s just my opinion, I guess it is possible to read this without reading the previous story but the kidnapping referenced won’t give you the same feels if you haven’t read it. This work is still in progress and may take a while to complete, but enjoy what I’ve done so far!

Three weeks had passed since discharge. Three weeks of constant nightmares. Two weeks of having Viktor by his very side. Now a week of what felt like never ending loneliness.

Yuuri didn’t expect Viktor to be at his beck and call for the rest of his life. He wasn’t that selfish. He had expected Viktor to slowly transition from clingy, back to their earlier state.

Before the kidnapping.

Just saying the word or hearing the word sent shivers down Yuuri’s spine. But something about Viktor felt off lately, like he was avoiding Yuuri. Yuuri couldn’t decipher if his feelings were valid or just another nasty trick his mind was playing on himself.

After being discharged, Viktor wouldn’t stop clinging onto Yuuri, in bed, around the house, even in public. Although Yuuri did protest sometimes, he loved it, that feeling of becoming one being with the person you love. The constant affection made Yuuri so happy. His family had always loved him and he knew that but this was different. It made sparks fly inside if Yuuri, it radiated heat throughout Yuuri’s body, keeping him content.

Viktor would even try cooking for Yuuri, which really wasn’t his forte, but he really tried and spoon fed him every dish. It was adorable. He even called Hiroko, asking her for advice for food to cook Yuuri while he was still “sick”.

Yuuri had fully healed from all his physical injuries, the only scars that remained were the emotional ones. It didn’t seem like they were going to go away anytime soon. Yuuri couldn’t stay in the dark, not for a prolonged period of time. They had to install a nightlight in the bedroom which made Yuuri feel like a toddler. His self esteem plummeted at his inability to live a normal life. The kidnapping had made Yuuri mad in hindsight. Not only had it left him borderline dead, it ripped away all the progress Yuuri had made with his mental health, forcing him to start on a clean slate. Yuuri had been seeking counselling and had frequent sessions with his therapist for years. 15 years. That week of hell had cause 15 years of damage. The thought of the lost progress made Yuuri’s heart sink.

They were both taking therapy, both Yuuri and Viktor ever since the discharge from hospital. They were seeing Dr Shirafrig, a psychiatrist who specialises in traumatic experiences. Not that Yuuri could tell that he had any qualifications at all. Yuuri had been to many therapists in his time so he knew a good one when he saw one. This one wasn’t very good. He seemed inexperienced and disorganised. He certainly cared for his patients and wanted the best for them which persuaded Yuuri to keep on trying with this therapist. He didn’t feel like much progress was being made but he could tell Viktor was connecting with this man. He was well within the healing process. Learning to let go of the past and continue onwards but Yuuri felt like he was being left behind. As if he was never going to heal.

_It will just take time._ Yuuri constantly reminded himself that it does take time, but he was becoming disheartened.

Viktor had overall been probably the best caretaker in the world. Viktor would never leave Yuuri’s side until he awoke, he scheduled skating sessions with Yakov at around midday and Yuuri would come with Viktor and watch him from afar, not really paying any attention, scrolling through social media on the new phone Viktor had gotten him, since the last one was destroyed essentially and kept in police lock up.

The police believed to have found the person behind Yuuri’s attack but when they went to confront him, he pulled the trigger on himself. Yuuri didn’t feel any bit of remorse for the man. He had out Yuuri and Viktor as well as their friends and family through hell and back. If anything, they were disappointed that he wouldn’t spend the rest of his life confined in four walls of cement. Yuuri also knew that this man hadn’t acted alone. He wasn’t the only person who had this mindset about Yuuri. The man who made Russia’s idol gay. Russia wasn’t exactly accepting of LGBTQ+ people but they were progressing at an ever slow rate if that was any consolation.

Getting to and from the rink hadn’t really been a challenge. Viktor drove the both of them there and back. It was a fine compromise. They avoided the old route all together, fearing that it would trigger Yuuri’s anxiety so they took a new route, it was actually quicker as well, going straight down the main road which led to a different entrance but that didn’t bother the either of them. The security upgrades ensured that there was always a bodyguard present at each entrance and that someone would always escort each athlete to their car. There was now also 24/7 surveillance everywhere. The morale of all the athletes at the Olympic training complex had increased massively, allowing them to all perform at their best with the feeling of safety returned.

Yuuri was itching to get back on the ice but both Viktor and Yakov (both were his coaches now, even though Viktor took sole ownership) decided that Yuuri should focus on regaining his lost fitness and should take ballet classes with Lilia for the moment. He was devastated when they told him that but he had grown to like Lilia and they worked well together, scheduling times for when Viktor would have his training in an adjoining studio in the same complex as the rink. He also had Yuri who he was now calling Yurio after Viktor bought back the nickname, which had a resurgence. It was now the nickname everyone in the complex used when referring to him. He acted like he hated it but Yuuri knew he secretly loved it.

Ever since the incident, Yurio acted like Yuuri’s personal bodyguard, darting his eyes and shouting insults at anyone who looked at Yuuri the wrong way, threatening to do things to them that made a cold chill wash over Yuuri. It gave Yuuri comfort when Viktor wasn’t around. Yuuri was also enjoying the blossoming friendship between himself and Yurio. It was like a brotherhood. It filled a gap in Yurio’s heart that he had been deprived of as a child and it gave Yuuri another purpose.

Things were starting to look promising for Yuuri. His goal of a normal life within reach. One with less crippling anxiety. That was until a week ago.

It had all started on that Monday morning. Yuuri had woken up to an empty bed, missing its other source of heat. Yuuri’s personal protector. The nightmares that night had been tough and Yuuri felt all alone upon waking up. Yuuri managed to sit up in his bed, today it felt like a real task, without Viktor, Yuuri felt as if all his strength had been taken away.

Yuuri frowned at the realisation of how dependent he was on Viktor for even the most basic tasks, like getting out of bed.

Yuuri’s anxiety had a field day upon that realisation. _He doesn’t want you anymore. Why would he? You have ruined the man. You’re the reason he is broken. No wonder he’s gone. He doesn’t love you. Nobody will. You are just a burden on everyone._

Yuuri cried himself back to sleep. Viktor wasn’t in the apartment. He would be heard the sobs and checked in on him. Makkachin came in and tried to comfort Yuuri but he just continued to weep into Makkachin’s fur until he wasn’t physically able to cry anymore.

Yuuri awoke later on that day, and glanced towards the alarm on his bedside table. 1:03pm. _Viktor would definitely be at the rink now._

“Viktor?” Yuuri called, the sound echoing though the empty apartment. _Still alone_. Yuuri managed to roll himself out of bed. It wasn’t gracious in any light. Yuuri didn’t care though. Anxiety won today and that meant that Yuuri wasn’t going to leave the house.

For the first time today, Yuuri ventured out of the bedroom into the living room, met with the white colour palette he had grew accustomed to see but today felt clinical. Walking past the couch in front of him, Yuuri made his way to the kitchen. He wasn’t particularly hungry but eating always made him feel better. Yuuri pulled out a soup in a cup and began to prepare it. Minestrone. His favourite.

After making the soup, Yuuri made his way to the couch, snuggling up in blankets, with Makka by his side, Yuuri began to binge watch a show called Dark on a popular streaming service that was in his recommended list. It had an eerie, mysterious atmosphere which probably wasn’t the best to watch while in his state of mind but it distracted him from his thoughts. His thoughts revolving around Viktor. The self loathing thoughts that choked Yuuri. The thoughts that made him feel like he was drowning. Like there was no other way out.

The thoughts began to flood Yuuri again, this time, Yuuri didn’t cry. He didn’t have it within him, instead Yuuri just let it simmer inside, not wanting to deal with it. He could’ve been over reacting after all. Viktor had only been gone for the beginning half of the day.

Maybe Yakov had to change today’s session? Maybe Viktor stayed behind to help Yurio? Maybe Viktor had to drive Mila somewhere? Maybe I should leave Viktor alone. Yuuri began to feel pity for stressing over Viktor so much. Maybe the man who kidnapped me was right? Maybe I am selfish.

Yuuri felt his stomach drop, a now familiar feeling over the last few weeks. He had to remind himself. _Don’t let the enemy win. Don’t let them get into your head._ The ‘wise’ words of the therapist. He clearly had no idea how anxiety worked. But Yuuri had to agree with him on this occasion. That part of his life was over. No need to dwell on it, it was time to move forward. Repress it. Never let it see a day of light ever again.

Yuuri began to drift away, exhausted from all the emotions and fighting his thoughts, feeling warm with Makka on top of him and the cup of soup heating his insides, a facade to the cold, tingling feeling deep inside him, awaiting its release.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve planned a bulk of the plot now so yay! Today was my first day without excessive amounts of homework so I plan on writing in these days. Enjoy!

Yuuri woke up to the sound of the shower running. _Viktor must be home._ He decided against bollocking him while he was having a shower. It had done that, there would be no chance of Yuuri retaining Viktor. It would further drive him away.

_Do I even have a reason to be mad? What’s wrong with me? He was only gone for half a day. He probably wanted some alone time skating. That’s fine. Why am I acting like it isn’t?_

Yuuri decided against thinking at all for the rest of the day. _Too many internal battles for one day._

Feeling peckish yet again, Yuuri decided to make some dinner for himself and Viktor. Yurio would probably come over for dinner too. He always showed up for dinner each night, even though no one invited him. He really was like a stray feral cat. But a cat who won over the hearts of Yuuri and Viktor. It was routine now to cook a few extra portions of dinner, just for Yurio.

It was therapeutic for Yuuri cooking. He used to cook a lot with Hiroko. Teaching him from a young age how to cook. That was their mother son bonding time. Cooking dinner every night. The happy memories began to flood back to Yuuri, keeping his inner demons at bay. Today’s dish was Katsudon. The household favourite.

The scent of the katsudon managed to attract Viktor to the kitchen, his first interaction with Yuuri all day. He simply stood next to Yuuri, without saying a word, arm around Yuuri’s waist as he watched Yuuri continue to cook. They simply stood silently, Viktor watching Yuuri making the katsudon and Yuuri was watching Viktor’s face.

_He’s hiding something. Something’s on his mind. He’s always been bad at hiding emotions. Is that why he isn’t talking to me? Does he want to leave me but can’t muster the words? Cause I’m a charity case?_

Viktor would always talk to Yuuri about his problems and whatever was on his mind. He had that trust in Yuuri. Yuuri’s heart broke at the realisation that Viktor was hiding something. Their relationship was simply not the same as it used to be. It could even be in jeopardy. Yuuri wouldn’t ask Viktor to open up though. He didn’t have the self esteem. If nothing was wrong, Viktor would think something was and in Yuuri’s mind, their relationship would come to an end. It he did ask and Viktor said something was wrong, he would probably kick Yuuri out and stomp on his heart. A lose-lose situation.

 _I can’t live like this. I should say something._ Just as Yuuri opened his mouth to speak, an angry knock could be heard at the door.

“Yurio must be here!” Viktor beamed as he made a beeline for the door.

_He hates being alone with me. He’d rather be around other people._

Yuuri continued to beat himself up on the inside.

_Maybe everything would be better if you were just to cease existing?_

That little voice never left Yuuri. It had always been present throughout Yuuri’s life but he never gave in. Yuuri just repressed that voice as much as he could and made his way to the living room, only a few steps away to greet Yurio, putting on his most believable mask, at attempt to hide what was really lurking underneath.

“Hey Yurioooooo” Yuuri ruffled the younger man’s hair. He acted like he hated it but Yuuri knew he enjoyed it more than he showed. He definitely preferred that over a hug.

“Oi Pig, none of that.” Yurio spoke firmly, trying to maintain his facade of toughness.

Yuuri put on his best fake smile, he felt like he had been shanked in the stomach. He knew Yurio cared but the pig insult began to get to him. He was nowhere near as fit as before and he started to get a bit pudgy. Yuuri thought his self esteem had hit rock bottom but he continued to surprise himself with how he underestimated himself yet again.

“Is that smell what I think it is?” Yurio’s eyes began to beam at the prospect of eating katsudon. Mouth salivating. A smile beginning to form.

“It certainly is Yurio, not that you need to eat any. You’ll end up like Yuuri!” Viktor chuckled and so did Yurio. Yuuri put on a fake laugh as well, but internally, felt as if someone had punched him in the stomach. Tears threatening to spill from his eyes. _He knew Viktor was joking, but was he? Viktor must be playing with me. Or is he finally seeing me for the meme of a figure skater that I am?_

Yuuri repressed his concerns yet again and his feeling of hurt, adding to an already overflowing bottle of emotions within himself, threatening to burst.

Yuuri kind of zoned out for the remainder of the night, small talk leaving his mouth while his brain was simply dwelling on all the comments made that night as well as others resurfacing from periods throughout his whole life. Horrific slurs from childhood bullies. Homophobic hate from his campus in college. Crude comments from figure skating critics. Yuuri was so much in his own head he didn’t notice Yurio was talking to him until he both heard and saw him snap his fingers in front of Yuuri’s face.

“Oi Katsudon. Is it ok if I steal Viktor for the next few days? I need him to help me build some of the furniture in my new place and I could really use his height.” Yurio hated to admit it but it was looking like Viktor was going to win in terms of height. “We’ll come back for dinner at yours? I know how your unable to function without being near each other.” _He appears to be fine without me._

“Yeah sure. That’s fine.” Yuuri just looked down at his half eaten katsudon.

Viktor and Yurio didn’t pay too much notice to Yuuri. All they heard was yes and Yurio was eager to pull the old man out of the house.

“Ok. See you later. Bye. Dasvidaniya.” Yurio essentially pushed a wide eyed, confused Viktor out of the door, Yuuri hearing a huge bang as the door was closed. Yuuri simply sighed.

He didn’t want either of his boys to go but he couldn’t bring himself to say no. Yuuri wasn’t a selfish man. He would have to deal with his isolation. Not that he wasn’t used to it by this stage. He had dealt with it his entire life but it felt worse now, knowing that there was someone who loves him. _Loved him_ perhaps.

Yuuri cleaned the dishes and cleared the table in silence before going back to bed. Lying there motionlessly for what felt like hours, trapped in his head, feeling as if he was suffocating at his loneliness. As if he was just an after thought. The little voice made his way back into Yuuri’s head but Yuuri let him stay. Drifting to sleep alone. In his queen sized bed. Missing his lanky octopus to keep him warm against the harsh cold of St Petersburg.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: GRAPHIC DEPICTION OF ATTEMPTED SUICIDE
> 
> DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH DESCRIPTIONS OF BLOOD AND OVERDOSING
> 
> If you are feeling depressed or the urge to commit suicide, please speak to your local helpline regarding suicide and depression. 
> 
> There is a support network for you somewhere and people do care about you, you can even message me if you want to, I’m always there to listen.
> 
> Also, I am writing a fiction, I haven’t done any research and I have no expert idea in how mental illness works, this is a creative work so any questions regarding mental health should be asked to your medical practitioner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: GRAPHIC DEPICTION OF ATTEMPTED SUICIDE
> 
> DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH DESCRIPTIONS OF BLOOD AND OVERDOSING
> 
> I just want to make everyone aware that I am not romanticising suicide, if you are feeling depressed or suicidal, please please please talk to someone about your feelings, you are valuable and loved by someone.
> 
> Also, I am writing a fiction, I haven’t done any research and I have no expert idea in how mental illness works, this is a creative work so any questions regarding mental health should be asked to your medical practitioner.

When Yuuri woke up that morning he was angry. Not just angry as a matter of fact. Enraged.

_How dare that man leave me here by myself? Probably cheating on me. Using Yurio as a cover. He has never liked me either. I move all the way from Hasetsu to come here and this is how he treats me?_

Makkachin could tell that a Yuuri was fuming and just stayed in her doggy bed, watching from afar. Katsuki Yuuri was a force to be reckoned with when he was mad. He was unstoppable.

The atmosphere in the room was very intense and Yuuri knew he needed to release his anger. He requested an Uber which arrived within minutes and made his way to the ballet studio to work his frustrations away. Absentmindedly leaving his phone and wallet at home, with a Makkachin who began to dig in to the leftover katsudon that Yuuri had left him.

“YUURI! WHERE WERE YOU YESTERD-“ Lilia was ready to rip into Yuuri before he threw his sports bag across the room, sliding across the floor until it met its resting place, out of the way. Lilia’s jaw was dropped in shock, never seeing the polite boy like this, as he silently made his way to the bar across the room to begin stretches. Lilia just observed, watching Yuuri to make sure he has stretched properly and to make sure he doesn’t hurt himself. She could see the look of determination painted across his face, showing an angry gaze, a window to the fire burning in his stomach. Lilia gave a little smile, liking what she was seeing.

Yuuri’s performances were flawless during that session. Lilia even recorded it for future reference for her younger students and especially for Yurio. She liked stirring him up. It gave her life.

“Yuuri?” The petite prima ballerina shouted to the young man, ready to walk out the door. He turned around, angry gaze still in full effect, remaining silent.

“What ever has you worked up so much today. Please don’t address it, it’s working wonders on you!” She chuckled as she said that last part but she kind of meant it.

Yuuri proceeded to leave the building through the side enterance, making every effort to avoid contact with Viktor or Yurio. _I don’t need Viktor. I’m a strong independent man. I am Katsuki Yuuri._

“FUCK!” Yuuri yelled as he scavenged through his training bag. _I forgot my fucking phone and wallet. Screw it. I’ll just walk home._ Yuuri proceeded to walk home, pissed off about forgetting his belongings. Pissed off about Viktor. Pissed off about life. Pissed off about everything. Yuuri didn’t want to let go of his internal rage. It made him a whole new person, almost like Eros Yuuri but more of a badass.

Yuuri was stuck inside his own head when his stomach sank. He hadn’t realised where he was. He was walking on auto pilot. He was in the spot where he was kidnapped. Chalk marks still present, outlining where the blood puddle had been. A bit of a ruby coloured stain on the concrete from the blood that had flushed out of Yuuri’s head. His heart rate began to increase. Breathing becoming laboured and hard to control. Limbs shaking. Butterflies in hi stomach. Yuuri was going to be sick. He fell to the ground. Nobody around to help him. He was once again left by himself to fend for himself. Memories flashed back. Imaginary aches began to develop. He was reliving the experience all over again. No Viktor to save him. Nobody to save him. Shaking on the ground, rocking himself in foetal position as his airways began to shut and mouth became dry. Waiting for this huge panic attack to subside. 23 minutes. That’s how long Yuuri had to spend reliving the nightmare. Nobody to save him. All alone in the secluded area.

Yuuri eventually regained the use of his limbs after being temporarily paralysed and ran back to his apartment. Yuuri put his earphones in and proceeded to play a custom playlist as he rushed home. Past therapists had recommended to Yuuri to make a music playlist that evoked feeling within him. That could stop the numbness.

By the time Yuuri got home, the numbness was still present and the little voice in his head had become a booming voice, pressuring Yuuri.

_Just do it. End it. How pathetic are you? You can’t even walk outside by yourself anymore. You need Viktor to live your life for you. What an embarrassment. Do it now._

Yuuri wanted the voice to go away. Repressing it wasn’t working. The music wasn’t working. Nothing about Yuuri was working anymore. Then again, had he ever been properly functioning?

Yuuri locked himself in the bathroom despite a barking Makkachin at the other end of the door, sensing what was going to come.

Yuuri was contemplating it.

_Nobody would miss me. I’m just a burden. A leech sucking the joy out of everyone’s life. If I can do anything right in his life, it would be this._

On came the next track of the playlist.

_How can you see into my eyes like open doors?_

Yuuri just stared blankly into the mirror of the bathroom, world drowning out beside the music in his ears. When he looked into the mirror, he had seen a pale, disgusting excuse of a person. Yuuri made a decision. This was it.

_Leading you down, into my core, where I've become so numb._

Yuuri began to cry. This is what he decided he wanted to do. He grabbed the notepad from under the sink and began to compose a goodbye letter. He had enough. The voice in his head was laughing at him. Egging him on.

_Without a soul, my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold, until you find it there, and lead it, back, home._

Yuuri had drawn a bath, water still running as Yuuri tried to savour the heat of the bath. Scolding but the only source of warmth left in his life. In one hand a razor blade. Viktor’s razor blade. _How ironic._ In the other, a bottle of sleeping pills. He was contemplating. Which one?

_Wake me up inside, wake me up inside._

At that point, Yuuri had made a decision. He emptied the bottle of sleeping pills, staring at the contents, before force feeding it to himself. Beginning to feel sick at the prospect of doing this. He had to though. He had to make it all stop.

_Call my name and save me from the dark._

Yuuri then proceeded to grab the razor blade and made deep incisions into both of his arms, looking towards the door before doing so, waiting for Viktor to burst through and stop him, but alas, he was nowhere near him. The colour of the bathtub went from a crystal clear to a ruby red in seconds, pain radiating from his arms as they submerged, but Yuuri didn’t care. He was almost free. The voice in his head starting to drown out.

_Bid my blood to run, before I come undone._

Yuuri watched the crimson coloured liquid drain from his arms, feeling himself begin to fade away, unsure whether it was the pills or the blood loss. He couldn’t hear anything. He couldn’t feel anything. He couldn’t smell anything. He could just see his last moments.

_Save me from the nothing I've become._

Yuuri was almost gone. The last of his vision was very foggy and he felt himself transcend. As if he was floating. Just as he began to fade away, listening to the song, the door was hit off his hinges and flew open, Yuuri’s head falling onto the side of the bathtub as a blonde head came into his vision before immediately turning into nothingness.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a WARNING people, some of you may feel uncomfortable by the fact that a minor is the one to witness the attempted suicide and the description may be a bit too graphic for some, so just a heads up!

“Hey Yurio, can you head over to the apartment a bit earlier? I think Yuuri could use some company after being all alone today.” Viktor pleaded to Yurio, they had just finished a gruelling session at the rink, working on Yurio’s new program.

“Fine old man, let me head home first to freshen up and then I’ll head over.” Yurio muttered. _Incompetent old man._

“Can you please go there now? My poor love has been alone for so long. I think he is feeling a little bit anxious as of late. You can have a shower at ours? You still have spare clothes in that room right?” Viktor was practically on his knees, actually begging. Yurio gave a slight smirk at this sight, feeling the power rush to his head.

“Fine old man, but don’t leave me alone with him too long, it’s you he’ll want to see.” Yurio stormed off, trying to appear angry but he wasn’t fooling anyone.

Yurio loved Yuuri like an older brother. That’s why he was so harsh on him. Only wanting the best for Yuuri. Yuuri treated Yurio with such respect and love that Yurio would do anything for him. Nobody looked after him in that way, not his mother or father, his grandfather loved him but it was hard spending time with him in Moscow, Viktor respected him and looked after him but didn’t really show much affection to him but Yuuri was what he needed, maybe not what he deserved but what he was afforded.

The walk to the apartment took a few minutes, it wasn’t exactly close in proximity but wasn’t a huge trek either. By the time Yurio made it to the complex, he was ready for a long bath. He could envision it right there and then. A good handful of Epsom salts and essential oils to destress his muscles and clear his mind while music plays to calm himself down and relax.

Yurio knocked on the door. “Hey Katsudon, open up!” Yurio waited at the door for a few moments, waiting for the sound of footsteps he is accustomed to when he usually awaits entry into the household but hears nothing except a Makkachin barking.

“God damn it Yuuri, your making me use my keys.”

Yurio had been given a set of keys to the house by Viktor and Yuuri since he had essentially been living between Yakov and Lilia’s and Viktor and Yuuri’s. Yurio was over the moon when he was given the keys, he felt trusted and loved enough, as if he was being accepted into their little family. The memory made Yurio’s heart skip a beat. He didn’t have to pretend to be a punk in front of Yuuri. He did in front of Viktor so he knew his place but with Yuuri he could be himself and there would be no judgements.

Upon opening the door, Makkachin practically pounced onto Yurio, causing him to fall onto his back while Makka sat on his chest, barking momentarily before running into the house. Yurio could hear the sound of a faucet running. Maybe he isn’t well? Is that why Makka is so concerned? Yurio walked towards the bathroom and heard the faucet pelting out water at full blast.  
  
“Yuuri?”

No response.

It was very quiet. Yurio’s eyes widened. Concern flooded him. He began to listen very carefully.

_Is that Evanescence? Oh shit._

Yurio knew that song very well. He would listen to it when he was feeling down. What was more concerning was that he and Yuuri had shared each other’s playlists they would listen to when they were feeling down and extremely depressed or anxious, meaning Yurio knew exactly why that music was playing. Yurio looked down to see water streaming from underneath the door.

_Holy shit._

Yurio roundhouse kicked the door of its hinges with ease. He had really perfected that kick.

The sight that Yurio witnessed was horrific. Nightmare material for a lifetime. He saw a flooded bathroom, crimson in colour along with a pale Yuuri, head against the side of the bathtub, barely breathing. He could see the razor in his hand along with a tablet container floating in the water. He was lifeless, eyes unfocused, chest barely moving. He looked like a corpse.

A shriek escaped Yurio’s mouth. A noise he thought he would never make.

The music was still playing in the background. Yurio would never be able to listen to that song ever again.

_Now that I know what I'm without;_

Yurio walked over to the bathtub to check for a pulse. He was still warm. He must have just drifted out of consciousness. He put his hand up next to Yuuri’s throat to find a pulse, he wouldn’t find one on his wrists, blood was still pouring out of them, not at a fast rate. _Maybe he will be ok._

_You can't just leave me, breathe, into me and make me real;_

Yurio began to shake Yuuri by the shoulders “Stay with me Yuuri, don’t leave us just yet. We’re not ready. Your not ready.” Tears were streaming down Yurio’s cheeks, voice cracking.

He immediately pulled out his phone, calling emergency services. He couldn’t lose Yuuri. He needed him. He didn’t care if it was selfish. Yuuri didn’t deserve to die. Regret began to flood over Yurio.

_Oh my god. Did I drive him to this? Did I push him too far? Oh no._

“Emergency services, what do you need?” A monotone voice spewed out of Yurio’s phone, waking him up from his inner thoughts.

Yurio just managed to spill it out all at once. “We need an ambulance. Viktor Nikiforov’s boyfriend is on the verge of death.”

The other end of the phone was silent momentarily. “We know the address, we’re dispatching someone now. What has happened sir?” The operator sounding deeply concerned.

Yurio didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t say this was an accident. He also didn’t want to say the word. It had too much of a connection to him. Memories of his difficult childhood would flood back at the mention of the word. But he would have to say it. If he wanted Yuuri to live. He would have to say it so the best possible outcome could occur for Yuuri.

“He’s attempted to commit suicide. He has deep cuts in his wrists and it looks like he has taken some pills as well.” Yurio gulped after saying the word. Suicide. His mother and father had killed themselves in a dual suicide. Unable to pay off their debts. They thought there was no other way. He had been raised by his grandfather and then by Yakov after his grandfather went to hospital for his back.

“Ok, your incredibly brave young man. What’s your name?” The operator was clearly trying to get all the details of the situation but Yurio was beginning to feel slightly angry.

_Did she think this was a prank call? Shouldn’t she be asking more questions about Yuuri? Or just reassuring me?_

Yurio just pushed those thoughts aside. _She must know what she’s doing._

“Y-Yuri Plisetsky.”

“Ok Yuri, your going great, can you open the apartment door for the paramedics, they have just arrived at your location. They will take you with them to the hospital.”

Yurio made his way to the door while Makka was on her bed whining. Almost as if she knew what was happening.

Yurio could hear the footsteps of the paramedics nearby and opened the door immediately to see them.

“Where is he?”

Yurio couldn’t speak, his voice stopped working. He simply pointed to the hallway and the puddle of water led them to the scene.

“Mr Plisetsky, are you ok? You can hang up the phone now that they are here.”

“T-thank you” Yurio pressed the hang up button.

The paramedics walked out of the bathroom with Yuuri on a stretcher. A sight permanently embedded in his memory now. The paramedic gave Yurio a note found in the bathroom as he was leaving.

“Come with us boy. Lock up and we’ll take you to the hospital with us.”

Yurio made no complaint and didn’t say a word, simply following orders. He didn’t read the note either. It was addressed to Viktor so he would give it to him later.

_Viktor!_

After getting into the ambulance, with multiple shocked looks from the neighbours, Yurio reached for his phone.

Come on Viktor, pick up your phone! Straight to message bank. Fuck.

He immediately dialled for Yakov.

“WHAT YURA I’M IN THE MIDDLE OF-“

“YAKOV GET VIKTOR! YUURI IS HURT!” Yurio matches the same energy his coach gave him, resulting in quizzical looks from the paramedics while they were working on stabilising Yuuri.

He had a pulse. Barely a pulse. They were attempting to stop the bleeding and they were administering drugs to counter the sleeping pills Yuuri took.

A rustling noise could be heard from the other end of the line. Yurio paid attention back to the phone instead of watching the paramedics treat Yuuri.

“Yurio what’s wrong? Yakov looks so pale.” Viktor put on a serious tone, knowing that Yakov is never scared of anything. Only ever in dire situations.

Yurio didn’t know how to respond. He can’t exactly say your fiancé attempted to kill himself or lie to him and say he has a few injuries to attend to. Yurio made a decision on what to say after a few seconds of silence.

“Yurio? Hello? What’s wrong?”

“Viktor. Yuuri tried to hurt himself. We’re on our way to the hospital now.” Yurio sounded broken and burst into tears straight after breaking the news to Viktor.

“We don’t know if he is going to make it. It’s pretty bad Viktor.” Sobs continued to come out of Yurio, unable to stop himself.

“I’m on my way Yurio. I’m so sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m thinking I might wrap this all up in the next chapter or maybe two, potentially.
> 
> Thank you all for the kudos and support, I love this community so much <3
> 
> HE AINT DEAD DONT WORRY I COULDNT DO THAT TO POOR YUURI


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri relives all the events that have made him the way he is. Viktor and Yurio are asleep when Yuuri wakes up, leaving him alone once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait guys, I’ve had a hectic few weeks at school.
> 
> This story seems to be becoming just bigger than I predicted but I’m loving the story I’m creating in my head and I’m sure you guys will too when I put it to paper (so to speak).
> 
> And OH MH GOD 700 HITS THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD EVER GET THAT MUCH ATTENTION ON EITHER OF MY WORKS! YOU GUYS ARE HE BEST!
> 
> Here is the latest chapter!

Yuuri was like a cat, maybe that is why Yurio likes him so much. That man definitely has 9 lives. Had 9. Probably like 5 now.

He was very lucky to survive his injuries. The overdose didn’t do a great deal of internal damage to him which was very fortunate and Yuuri’s incisions weren’t deep enough to cause a great deal of damage but if it weren’t for Yurio’s fast actions, Yuuri may have died that day if he were left for a few more minutes.

Yuuri was currently heavily sedated and restrained to his hospital bed due to the nature of his injuries being a result of an attempted suicide.

Viktor had arrived around the same time as the ambulance did, seeing the chaos unfold as he was rushed in for surgery regarding the incisions. Viktor simply hugged Yurio as soon as he saw him, not letting go for a few moments. Yurio hugged him back. He was sick of keeping the facade of toughness. It was time he let it go.

The police eventually came around a few hours after Yuuri was admitted to interview Yurio. The recount Yurio gave made Viktor’s heart crumble. It was like reliving the kidnapping again, horrific recounts that would scar not only Viktor and Yuuri but now Yurio as well. Viktor asked the police for photographs of the scene so he knew what he would be dealing with when Yuuri woke up. They reluctantly gave it to him. It was a scene from hell. How Yurio didn’t breakdown and cry at the sight was a thought Viktor couldn’t fathom. The two boys would be staying by Yuuri’s side now, never letting him go. Yakov volunteered to go look after Makkachin and pick him up from the house while Viktor was away. Thank god the season didn’t start for a few more months so they’re skating shouldn’t be overly affected but that wasn’t the worry of either boy. Their current worry was to get Yuuri better.

Reflecting on the past week made Viktor open his eyes. He missed all the warning signs that Yuuri wasn’t feeling right. He missed the start of the anxiety. He was too invested in himself over the last week after finally coming to a place where he felt comfortable again with the help of therapy that he didn’t even check to see how Yuuri was going. How his healing process was going. Viktor face palmed with frustration at how stupid he was. He wasn’t so much worried at the moment because Yuuri was stable but he sure as hell was upset and frustrated with himself because this could’ve all been avoided.

~

Yuuri opened his eyes at around 10:43pm, 6 hours after Yurio found him.

_Well looks like I fucked up another thing._

Yuuri wanted to drift back into the darkness, not wanting to face the aftermath. Nobody was in the room at the moment. The room was dimly lit. Yuuri could see two figures sleeping on a couch near the foot of his bed. He didn’t want to wake them up. Although both looked like they’ve been through hell and back, they were finally at peace. Yuuri felt both guilt and jealousy. Guilt for putting the boys into this predicament and jealousy towards their peace.

_I could’ve been at peace. Looks like I haven’t been afforded the luxury._

Yuuri’s anxiety had taken over, the angry voice in his head, furious that he didn’t meet his expected demise. Frustrated at those who stopped him. The real Yuuri underneath the anxiety was clawing his way out, almost to completion.

Tears began to rain down from Yuuri’s eyes, down his face out of fury on behalf of his anxiety and the rest of him cried as the realisation dawned on him that he almost died. Yuuri attempted to remain silent, not wanting to wake the others, who were now stirring in their sleep at the muffled sounds of crying.

Yuuri wanted to suffocate himself with his pillow but alas, his limbs were buckled down.

_Not again._

Yuuri had grew accustomed to this procedure. It was his third time in the psych ward.

The inaugural visit occurred when he was 9. The bullies at school had become to much. The physical confrontations that occurred at school, resulting in various bruises throughout his body, painting his body, further plummeting Yuuri’s self image and confidence. The mind games those people played on him as well.

_You are fat, disgraceful, embarrassing, unwanted, shameful, disgusting._

The voices echoed in his head constantly, even to this day. It was a miracle Yuuri maintained his grades during this trying time and didn’t break down. Blaming it on the anxiety. Too afraid of the consequences of calling the bullies out to adults. It happened for years. Yuuri couldn’t bear it anymore.

One fateful day after school, walking past the beach on the way home, Yuuri walked through the nature trail, coming to the top of a cliff. Heavily signed with warnings to turn back. Warnings of possible death. Warnings of sudden breakages in the cliff. This was all music to Yuuri’s ears.

Yuuko had stopped him before he stepped off the cliff. Dragging him by his arm from behind. Yuuri wasn’t aware of her presence while he contemplated his life. He spent weeks in the ward, trying to push past it. Find happiness. Find a will to live. He found the latter but not exactly the former. He found refuge in skating and dancing. Not happiness. Comfort.

Things were fine for a while.

Then came what were the dark ages for Yuuri. The Post-Sochi spiral.

Yuuri was lost for what felt like an eternity but was really a few months. He went back to Detroit and continued to bunk with Phichit, but he felt nothing. The will to live was gone. He wasn’t exactly suicidal yet. But he simply had no drive for anything. He merely existed. Yuuri had no plans for his future after Sochi. He merely wanted to graduate. No vision for the future after that. Just graduate.

The exam period had been harder on Yuuri than he had previously thought. He realised how studying was a full time job, even without adding skating and dance on top of it. This time of year was stressful for everyone but Yuuri was close to the edge. He wasn’t quite there yet but he was close to contemplating it.

Phichit pushed Yuuri to continue to skate during this time. He hadn’t decided whether he wanted to continue his profession, but Phichit knew Yuuri. This would help him de-stress. It would also keep him fit if he decided to peruse his dream.

One day, a week before exams, Phichit and Yuuri were walking home from the rink, clear minds and ready to study when they were approached by some footballers from campus. They were notorious for being the biggest dickheads on campus. It was truly astonishing how backwards these idiots were with their overinflated egos and the added rich kid privileges where daddy could buy them whatever they wanted. Including people.

The three burly men approached Yuuri and Phichit, one groping the Thai man from behind and one grabbing Yuuri from the arm.

“Hey f****ts, I’ll pay you $200 each if you give us a good time.” Followed by a suggestive wink from the leader.

Yuuri was seeing red.

_Who do these fuckwits think they are?_

Yuuri kept his composure though, not wanting to fight. Phichit had been embracing the act of conflict resolution and using words instead of violence after Yuuri almost paralysed a guy who looked at Phichit the wrong way.

“We’re fine thanks.” Yuuri shot all three of the footballers the most intimidating glare as he broke the grasp the man had on Yuuri, scaring enough to make a grown man cry.

These three men lacked brains however.

“You don’t get to say no. You do as I say f****ts. Who would want you anyway, you fat, ugly pricks.” The man proceeded to grab Yuuri again and tighten his grip on his arm as he pulled him towards and alleyway. Phichit was being carried by both men, one on each side of his as he tried to kick and squirm his way out of the hold to no avail.

Yuuri snapped. The homophobia was enough to push him over the edge but the fat shaming hit a chord deep within Yuuri. Truth was Yuuri wasn’t even overweight, if anything, he was edging more towards underweight despite being average wright throughout his life. Being fat was apparently an insult but for some reason, it made Yuuri deflate at every insult regarding his weight. That was how he was treated throughout childhood and isolated. Yuuri gave Phichit an apologetic and enraged glare, apologising for what he was about to do.

Mustering a strange amount of strength, Yuuri managed to rip his arm from his captor, dislocating the man’s shoulder in the process then proceeded to roundhouse kick him. Not as good as Yurio. But enough to immobilise the man for as long as required.

“Who the fuck do you think you are you stupid white privileged fuckers! Thinking you can take whatever the fuck you want. Leave us the fuck alone before I end you, you sad, disgraceful piece of shit!” Yuuri spat at the man as he walked towards Phichit.

The other two men who held Phichit looked on in awe, surrendering after seeing the state their friend was left in. Yuuri simply clashed the two men’s heads together, concussing them, grabbed Phichit by the arm and essentially dragged him to their flat with Phichit trying to keep up at the same running pace as Yuuri.

Once in the apartment, Yuuri turned and locked the door, sliding down it as he sat on the ground, panic attack imminent. His breaths began to shallow and occur rapidly.

Phichit sank down next to Yuuri.

“Look at me Yuuri. Breathe with me. You know the drill.”

Yuuri couldn’t stop panicking though.

_What if they come find us? They live on campus too. It won’t take much for them to come here and do something horrible to Phichit._

As his mind began to wonder, it was if the anxiety had switched itself into overdrive.

_I’m the reason Phichit is in danger. He would be so much better off without me. I just cause issue after issue. I really am useless._

Phichit mistook the return of normal breathing as the end of the panic attack opposed to the anxiety kicking in and taking over his thoughts. Phichit just assumed Yuuri was tired and went to go have a shower.

“We’ll have a talk when we’ve both showered, ok? We need to discuss today’s ordeal and tell Ciao Ciao.” Yuuri nodded as Phichit walked to his bedroom.

_I could end it all while I have a shower. Phichit will be freed from the weight of me and I can finally let go._

Yuuri began to draw a bath. Yuuri looked around the bathroom for what he could use. There wasn’t much around. They kept meds in the kitchen and Yuuri didn’t want his death to be a messy one. He didn’t want to put Phichit through anymore trauma. No blood. No mess. Yuuri wasn’t worthy of anyone’s attention. He just wanted to die and keep to himself.

Yuuri looked at the bath, quickly filling with water.

 _Drowning? I’ll give it a shot. Phichit is notorious for his long ass showers_.

Yuuri let the bath fill up and he could hear the water system in the flat in full operation after turning off the tap. Yuuri could get it all done quickly. He would just have to let the water fill his lungs and let it take him. He could do it quick enough before Phichit would be done.

Yuuri stepped into the bathtub and laid face down, closing his eyes as he proceeded to breath in. It took everything he had to overcome the reflex and the process began. Panic began to envelop Yuuri as he began to choke. Gasping for air. Yuuri didn’t allow himself the pleasure. After a few minutes of struggle Yuuri was gone. He didn’t notice Phichit’s screams as he broke the door open. He found Yuuri floating on the top of the bath. A sight no friend should ever have to see of his best friend. Phichit called 911. Gave his CPR. The ambulance arrived and took him away. He escaped the grasp of death once again. Phichit vowing to never leave his side.

When he woke up Phichit just hugged him. No words. No anger or malice. Just unconditional love. Yuuri remained in that facility for a few weeks, chained to the bed. Learning to love himself again. He did it out of guilt for Phichit, not realising how traumatising the ordeal had been. Phichit merely blamed it on the earlier incident for his actions but Yuuri knew that was wrong. It was merely an opportunity for Yuuri. An excuse for his desire for death.

~

Yuuri’s anxiety heightened and the evil voice disappeared again, dormant within him at the realisation of what he had put the two men he loved through. Yuuri closed his eyes, letting the tears flow, pretending to be asleep for the remainder of the night, not wanting to see the repercussions of his actions on his friend and fiancé.

Yuuri fell into the void of sleep once again. Procrastinating. Enjoying the time alone. He would have to face it all again tomorrow and finally open up to everyone about his dark and morbid past. See if Viktor and Yurio could still love the broken man before him. One who hasn’t fully healed for 15 years of his life.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s a short one! Sorry about the wait, I’m finishing up most of my tests now and have a bit of a long weekend so I promise I’ll try and utilise it!
> 
> Enjoy!

The letter had been hard for Viktor. Yurio has given to him on arrival. He hadn’t opened yet but he already knew he wouldn’t like what was inside. After that momentous afternoon, Viktor decided he would open it. He was currently in Yuuri’s room, sitting on the couch with Yurio by his side. Yurio insisted he be with Viktor when he read the note. Viktor protested before being shut down by Yurio.

“I watched him die. I can handle this.”

The bluntness of the statement made Viktor feel cold on the inside but the young boy was right. Viktor was also mentally ill. Although he was well into his healing process, he still needed help and he would take it. Even if it was from an adolescent boy.

It was currently 9:34pm. Yuuri had been in hospital for a few hours now. They decided to open it together.

Viktor delicately unfolded the note and proceeded to read, with Yurio reading it from his side.

**Dear Viktor,**

**I’m so very sorry that you had to find me this way. See me this way. I couldn’t take it anymore. The loneliness became too much.**

_He should’ve told me. I would’ve done something. I would’ve comforted him. Tell him how much he is loved. Tell him how much he means to me._

**You were moving ahead in life. I was still stuck in the same spot. Still reliving the pain of the kidnapping. I couldn’t feel anything. Just numb. My brain was static. Everything I was doing was on autopilot. I was still as broken as the day you found me in the hospital.**

_I could’ve gotten you help. You aren’t alone anymore Yuuri. I love you and want you to be happy, safe, comfortable._

**I’m sorry for everything I put you through. I don’t want you to be held back by me anymore. I know you wouldn’t want to let go but now your free. Away from me. You deserve so much better than me, an ugly piggy leech who just ruins everyone’s lives.**

_Oh my Yuuri, you’re so far from that, you are a beauty. Perfection. You may not see it but everyone around you does. I don’t want to be with anyone else. You haven’t freed me. You left me alone. Cold. Isolated._

**I went dancing today and came across the same spot I was taken away. It all flooded back. The pain is all too much. Please forgive me. You are free.**

_We can get help. I can take some of the pain away from you. Lay it on me. I can take it. It hurts me to hear you are so hurt and can’t take it any longer._

**You have my blessing to move forward in life. Just promise me that you will continue to look after Yurio and Makka while I’m gone. They rely on you.**

_I don’t want your blessing, I want you. I don’t care if that is selfish. You make me complete. You are my fiancé. We are meant to get through this together. Yurio and Makka are part of our family. They need you too._

**May you love a peaceful life, achieving everything you desire. Please don’t be mad at me, this is for the best.**

**Love you forever,  
Yuuri**

_If you really loved me, you wouldn’t leave me here. I could never get mad at you. This isn’t for the best._

_Thank god you are still here. We have so much to discuss my love._

Viktor didn’t realise but his tears were dampening the paper, ink beginning to run. Yurio was contributing to the puddle too. They sat in silence, unsure about what to say.

Yurio ended the silence momentarily.

“This is my fault. I shouldn’t have called him all those names. I should’ve realised he might take offence.” Wails began to spill out of Yurio.

“He is sensitive. I should’ve known it was too much. I meant them for his benefit. A form of love but...” Yurio was distraught.

_How could I have done this? Ruined my one source of love and support. That’s three people I’ve destroyed now._

Viktor rubbed small circles on Yurio’s back. Trying to help him get his composure.

“Don’t blame yourself Yurio. You couldn’t have known. He didn’t say anything. He has been broken for a long time now, even before the kidnaping but he managed to work past it. But it appears that he can’t now...”

Viktor began to tear up as well.

“I’m his fiancé I should’ve known better. I’ve ruined everything. He doesn’t feel loved. Wanted. Desired. How could I screw it up so much?”

Viktor was now crying hysterically too. Yurio tried to calm him but it didn’t work.

Both boys were physically drained from the last few hours and drifted to sleep from pure exhaustion, not knowing when or how, sleeping in the embrace of each other.

~

They awoke the next morning to the sound of the doctor entering the room. Yurio quickly sat up, disgusted with himself slightly for using Viktor as a body pillow essentially which caused the older man to somewhat chuckle.

The doctor turned around to address the two of them.

“It’s good that you guys still laugh. Keep the atmosphere light. It will help him get into a better mind set when he wakes up. He will wake up soon, the sedative was worn off, but when he does wake up, don’t smother him or apologise for anything. Let him find his voice and thoughts. Ok?” The doctor shot them a look, awaiting affirmation, no visible expression on his face.

“Yes sir.” Both men said it in unison, mimicking the same monotonous voice of the doctor unintentionally.

As the doctor left the room, the men split up at the foot of the bed. Yurio to the right and Viktor to the left. Both finding a seat next to Yuuri, a hand each on his arm, rubbing it up and down as they watched some sappy Russian soap.

It saddened both of them that they couldn’t hold his hand. Viktor knew it was for the better but Yurio couldn’t comprehend it.

“Why do they do this? There is nothing here he can hurt himself or anyone with!” Yurio was seeing red. It felt like they were stripping away people’s ability to freedom. Yuuri couldn’t hurt anyone or himself in his current state.

_What’s the point?_

Viktor looked over to Yurio, chewing on his bottom lip. Yuuri had told him a bit about his past and his struggle with mental health but not in full detail.

“Yurio... this isn’t his first time in an institute like this...”

Yurio’s eyes widened. Jaw dropped so far that any insect could fly straight in there.

“What?” It was kind of in between a gasp and a shout. Yurio had no idea. He felt the pit in his stomach deepen as the realisation dawned on him.

“He had tried twice prior to this. Once in Hasetsu and another in Detroit. I won’t go into full detail, that’s up to Yuuri but don’t feel any guilt ok? He is sick and we are going to try and help him heal or at least stabilise.”

Yurio didn’t think that he could feel anymore sad for this man but yet he continued to surprise himself.

This had plagued him for his whole life. Restricted him. Stopped him from living almost. Yurio has a greater appreciation for the man. He was a top level figure skater and his journey must have been tough carrying so much excess emotional baggage. Not just at competitions, but on a day to day basis.

Yurio kept silent and proceeded to watch the Russian soap with Viktor, waiting for Yuuri to awaken.

What they didn’t know was that Yuuri was awake. He had heard them both converse. He wasn’t asleep but maintained the facade of a peaceful slumber.

_Fake it ‘till you make it_

That phrase had many alternate meanings for Yuuri, whether it was regarding his mental health, public image or confidence on the ice, that phrase had meaning. Relevance for Yuuri. It was a phrase he wanted to keep close to him.

He continued to fake sleep, discretely crying into his pillow as he realised he would have to face them soon and as Viktor turned to look at Yuuri, he noticed the tears.

His time was up.

Time to face the music.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry about all the cliff hangers :( 
> 
> (No not really :p)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The feels are just beginning...

Viktor’s eyes widened as saw the trail of tears along Yuuri’s pillow and the wincing in his eyes, muffling his internal pain and suffering.

“Yuuri baby, it’s ok, I’m here.” Viktor rubbed lines up Yuuri’s forearm, an attempt to console his partner which worked to no avail.

In this time Yurio, turned around, shocked by the fact that Yuuri was awake. Alive. The doctors had said he would be fine but Yurio needed to see it with his own eyes. He had seen the man on the brink of death. He immediately jumped on top of Yuuri and gave him the biggest hug, pulling his head towards his shoulder.

“I love you, ok? Please don’t scare me like that again. I don’t want to see you that way even again.” Yurio’s soft whisper turned into a quiet sobbing mess by the end. Finally opening himself up fully. Removing the mask he forced onto his emotions, letting it run wild.

Yuuri’s pupils dilated and eyes opened.

“Y-you found me?” Yuuri turned to Yurio before turning to Viktor.

Yurio complied with a slight nod, not being able to make eye contact with the Japanese man. He was somewhat embarrassed that Yuuri had just come to the realisation and didn’t want to see Yuuri’s reaction. It would just hurt him more.

Yuuri went to hug Yurio but couldn’t. He remembered his hands were chained.

“Yurio...” Yuuri beckoned the boy, wanting to look into his eyes as he spoke.

“I’m sorry you found me like that. Nobody should have to find anyone like that, let alone a boy. A friend. I’m sorry I’ve traumatised you. I’m yet again another burden on everyone.” Yuuri whispered the last part, not wanting anyone to hear the self depreciating comment. He knew what would come next, even if he did believe every word.

Yurio turned to face Yuuri. Face red. Fuming. Anger secreting from every pore in Yurio’s face.

“WHEN WILL YOU REALISE YOU’RE NOT A BURDEN? WE LOVE YOU YUURI! THAT’S RIGHT. LOVE. YOU. EVER FLAW. ALL OF YOU. YOU HURTING YOURSELF ONLY HURTS US. WE WANT TO HELP YOU. LET US. Please.” What started off as yelling, trying to force the truth into Yuuri eventually turned into a whisper and the anger dissipated and was replaced with sorrow and pleading. They were a somewhat functional family unit. The closest thing that Yurio had to stability and love. He would be the glue for the family if that’s what it came to.

Viktor was now holding Yurio back from the bed. Not because Yurio would hurt Yuuri. He just needed a loving touch to bring him back. Yurio began to crumble under Viktor, sinking to the floor. A true mess. Yuuri was just letting the tears flow. Everything he said was true. He needed to accept himself. Accept the fact that he was loved. But anxiety has a way of curb stomping any logic and assurance out of his mind. It ruins everything.

The doctors must have heard Yurio’s outburst and ran in to check on Yuuri, giving him the usual introduction for the psych ward. One he had now heard three times. Viktor left the room to take Yurio to Yakov’s house to sleep. He was knackered.

“I’ll talk to you when I get back and we can have a heart to heart.”

Yuuri kept those words close to his heart out of fear of him not returning, another cruel trick by his anxiety as the doctors began to poke and probe him, testing the effects of the overdose on all body systems now that he was conscious and checking on his battle scars.

That is what they were.

A constant reminder of his battle with anxiety.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri and Viktor finally have a long overdue conversation and speak their minds on how to move forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SORRY FOR SUCH A LONG WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER, I PROMISE I DIDNT FORGET ABOUT THIS OR Y’ALL.
> 
> I just finished my first semester of Year 12 which was hectic so this had to be out in the back burner for a very long time. 
> 
> I’m back with inspiration though people and a story I think you’ll like.
> 
> Please forgive me :’(

Yuuri laid in his bed for what felt like hours upon hours but was probably only half an hour. He was dreading the impending conversation. He loved Viktor. Still does, that hasn’t changed.

_I can’t forgive myself for what I’ve done to him. I abandoned him essentially. How would he have coped without me still being alive?_

Yuuri closed his eyes to fight back the tears.

_I need to be strong. I can overcome this. For Viktor. For Yurio. For everyone._

The swarm of doctors and nurses began to diminish as time went on, leaving one or two lingering around the room, keeping an eye on Yuuri.

_I guess I am on suicide watch after all._

Like clockwork, as soon as the last doctor conducted his test, in walked Viktor. His eyes sent shivers down Yuuri’s spine, not out of fear of him. Yuuri very much knew Viktor loves him but this conversation wasn’t going to be pretty. There would be tears. There would be sobbing. Basically Yuuri would be even more of a mess and Viktor would be left to pick up the pieces and help glue Yuuri back into a half functioning human being.

“Why can’t you look at me in the eyes?” The icy blue gaze seemed to make all heat in the room flee as Viktor closed the door.

“I’m ashamed.”

“That. That letter was tough to swallow Yuuri.”

Viktor proceeded to sit in the end of the bed, looking deep into Yuuri’s dark coffee brown eyes. They were once filled with warmth and optimism but now are simply husks of what existed, unoccupied and distant.

“I. I know.”

Yuuri sat up now in his bed, wiping away some of the stubborn tears protruding from his eyes with his shoulder. Having his hands chained proved to be more inconvenient with every passing moment.

“Is it all true though Yuuri?” Viktor grabbed his free hand and began to rub circles on it. “Was I that unapproachable? Because right now I feel like I’m causing more harm than good to you. I don’t want to be selfish and hold onto you if all it’s doing is causing you to spiral further and further downwards. Your not far away from a crash Yuuri.”

Viktor was tearing up now. Fighting back the sobs. Barely comprehensible.

“Do I need to leave you.”

Viktor look like he had just snapped into two. Yuuri felt like he was back in that god forsaken warehouse again. Hearing those words was just as bad as being kicked in the ribs.

“N...No. Viktor I can’t imagine a life without you. I love you.”

“You don’t have to say it if it isn’t true Yuuri. It’s ok to let go of me. Don’t feel like you have to please me. I want what’s best for you and I’m so sorry that I’ve been so selfish, I ju-“

“Stop.” Yuuri barely whispered it. “I’m the selfish asshole. I almost left you alone in this world. One we are meant to rule together. I want to get better Viktor. For you, for Yurio, for my family, for Makka, for the whole god damn world.”

Viktor let out a small smile and put a finger to Yuuri’s lips which soon again turned into a frown.

“You don’t need to get better for me Yuuri. You need to get better for you. I love you Yuuri. The doctors want to put you into a rehab program. You’ll stay in a ward with other people who have similar mental struggles and work through the program with some of the best doctors in Russia. I would love to see you do this Yuuri. Fight this. You’ll be away for a few months though, it’s in Moscow. They don’t allow visitors in either so you can solely commit to the rehab which will honestly eat away at me inside but it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make if it means you’ll be closer to achieving a mental state your happy and in control of. If it helps repair your mental health I’m all for it but this is your decision Yuuri, not mine. You need to make this decision yourself. Not to please me. But because you want to get better.”

Yuuri sat there, processing the information. He didn’t want to leave Viktor. He was his lifeline. To be so far away from him was daunting. It scared him. But Viktor was right. He would need to dedicated a long period of time to his mental health, get it where it needs to be.

“But what if I don’t get better? What if I’m not fixable?”

“Nothing is impossible my Yuuri, look how far you’ve gotten in your figure skating career in the past few years. Your a dedicated, determined person Yuuri. You can do this.”

After a few minutes of contemplation Yuuri made a decision.

“I’ll go. It won’t be easy but I’ll go.”

Viktor wrapped Yuuri up in a hug. It was the first proper physical interaction between the two since the attempt. What usually felt like a surge of warmth and heat within Yuuri was instead filled with guilt and devastation.

_How could I have given up on myself? How could I deprive myself of these special moments? I can’t. What was I thinking._

“Yuuri. They want to get you started straight away. They want you to go tomorrow. Is that ok?”

“I guess.” Yuuri wanted to spend more time with Viktor, make up for all of the horrible feelings he must have put Viktor through. Viktor cut through the numb static in his head and Yuuri didn’t want to let him go. Viktor was like a drug. A coping mechanism for his poor mental health.

“I won’t see you for a couple months then.” Yuuri felt Viktor’s tears on his shirt and the hug intensified.

“We’ll be ok. I’ll write to you.”

“I’m going to hold you accountable to that.”

Yuuri let out a little chuckle. Visiting hours would be over soon and Viktor would have to go. He wouldn’t see him for at least three months. Letting him go was hard but manageable. He would see his soulmate again.

Yuuri now faced a major battle, one he was losing not long ago. He laid in his bed, tossing and turning all night before the transfer to the rehab ward. It would be a tough few months but they could define the rest of his life. Yuuri was ready to give it all he has.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri’s journey to better mental health is underway and he uncovers the truth as to why the way he is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, just quickly wanted to say thank you for the support you guys have given me not only in the last chapter, but throughout the whole story. It means the world to me <3 
> 
> Just wanted to say the following: I am not a mental health expert. I don’t know how anxiety and depression are treated and what is depicted in this story is fictional. Please don’t take anything from this story seriously in regards to mental health processes and treatment mechanisms.

This journey was definitely hard, but that was expected. Yuuri has admitted defeat to his mental illnesses many years ago and had let them plague him ever since. He knew it would never totally go away and there onsite therapists expressed that. He had to learn how to live in coexistence with it. Not let it take control. That is what drove Yuuri now. He was one month into the treatment and had another two left to go. Adapting is something Yuuri never found easy. New surroundings. New routine. New people. No Viktor. Yuuri felt vulnerable. Felt lost. The latter being a feeling that he has known for most of his life. But Yuuri knew that in order to make progress, sometimes you need to take a step back and reevaluate your position. Strategise once again in order to cross the line. To reach success.

 

A melodic chime slowly immersed out of the speakers in the bedroom as the sun began to rise out of the window, looking out to the calm countryside near Moscow. Yuuri slowly opened his eyes before getting out of bed. The routine Yuuri had been given was the following:

 

6:30am - Wake up and make bed.

6:30am to 7:00am - Free time within bedroom.

7:00am to 7:30am - Breakfast with other residents.

7:30am to 8:30am - Group Dream Reflection and Discussions

8:30am to 10:00am - Meeting with Health Staff

10:00am to 12:00pm - Free time with access to gardens.

12:00pm to 1:00pm - Lunch

1:00pm to 2:30pm - Group Yoga

2:30pm to 5:00pm - Free Time

5:00pm to 6:00pm - Dinner

6:00pm to 8:00pm - Resident Games Night

8:00pm to 9:00pm - Free time within bedroom.

9:00pm - Curfew

 

When Yuuri first found out about the schedule, he thought he had been conned into imprisonment but later found out it was merely a guideline. Each day was different, timetable contents changed and time slots weren’t concrete.

 

During his free time in the morning Yuuri would usually shower, get dressed and pen a quick letter to Viktor, saving them to give to him upon his release from the facility, not just to present to Viktor evidence that he still thought of him during his 3 months away. This was a measure of progress in Yuuri’s eyes. A measure of how much Yuuri has improved. A measure of how independent he has become without Viktor. God he loved Viktor and that would never change for Yuuri but his dependence on the man was unfair in Yuuri’s eyes. This time away put it all into perspective.

 

_To my beloved Viktor Nikiforov,_

_Last night was a huge milestone. A whole week with undisturbed sleep! No kidnapping nightmares, no narratives of you leaving me. Just sleep, and god did I miss it!_

_I think the new antidepressant combo Dr Mir has me on is working wonders._

_As always I miss you and can’t wait to be with you again._

_Your lover,_

_Yuuri XOXO_

 

After finishing his letter, Yuuri made his way to the cafeteria for breakfast.

 

Upon first coming to the ward Yuuri was told about how the program he would be participating in had a huge emphasis on group therapy. Yuuri had never been more nervous or frightened in his life. Opening up to people is not Yuuri’s thing. It took years for Yuuri to open up to his family about being gay and he dreaded the whole conversation. Of course his family supported Yuuri and just wanted their boy to be happy but Yuuri was always scared to let his defences down.

 

This form of therapy seemed like Yuuri’s worst nightmare but my, how much it benefited Yuuri.

 

These people in the ward with Yuuri weren’t random people. These fellow residents were experiencing the same feelings and thoughts Yuuri was having and that truly shocked him. He thought he was in this alone. That no one else would understand what he was going through. That only he was locked away in his own mind. This gave Yuuri new hope. These people weren’t judgemental. They were all struggling. Some coming to terms with the death of those close to them, some who had been assaulted. Some who had been kidnapped like Yuuri had. These people were here to help one another out, support each other in bettering themselves. Finding their inner peace.

 

After eating breakfast, it was time for dream therapy. The other four residents sat in a circle in their chairs along with Yuuri with the dream discussion being directed by Dr Mir.

 

Yuuri mentioned his progress and was met with a round of applause. Twins Isabella and Drew spoke about the reduction in the intensity of their nightmares about their mother’s murder. That too was met with a round of applause. Stacey revealed that she would be leaving by the end of the week and gotten the all clear with no breakdowns in the past month about her kidnapping. That was met with the loudest round of applause. Jim was the last one to discuss his dreams. Yuuri had become relatively good friends with Jim. He was the one to orientate Yuuri and was assigned to be his buddy. Someone Yuuri could go to when he was feeling really down and struggling. The relationship went both ways though, Yuuri wanting to help Jim overcome his battles just as much.

 

“Last night wasn’t the best for me.” Jim sighed and the atmosphere dropped in the room, everyone was looking at Jim to continue, not in judgement, but with seriousness to listen to Jim and support him.

 

Jim corrected his posture in his seat. “I saw him again. Kicking me. Spitting on me. Sodomising me with the pipe.” He wipes a tear from his eye and took a deep breath.

 

“I coped better this time than I ever have before though. I didn’t wake up screaming or crying. I took deep breaths. Reminded myself that I am safe and that he can never go near me again and I had broken sleep for the remainder of the night.”

 

Everyone looked down at their feet in sadness except Dr Mir. When one person gets set back in their mental health battle it’s disheartening and sad. Everyone works so hard to push forward in their battle and it’s sad when someone struggles.

 

“Well great use of the techniques Jim, but we can have an extended meeting today to go through the dream and identify triggers?” Dr Mir gave Jim a cup of water, a gesture of reassurance.

 

“Yes please Doctor.”

 

“But first, Yuuri, shall we have our meeting?” Dr Mir stood up and motioned his hand to the door.

 

Yuuri stood up, nodded and headed into the office. He wanted to smile because of the progress he was making but didn’t dare do it in front of Jim. He felt as if that would be gloating and disrespectful.

 

After finding his seat in the office, Dr Mir walked in and sat at his desk, bringing a pot of green tea, serving himself and Yuuri.

 

“So Yuuri, that’s great progress you’ve made and it’s only been a month.”

 

Yuuri shifted in his seat and took a sip of his green tea. “Definitely, I’m feeling more alive, optimistic, like my life has purpose again.”

 

“So you think that the medication is adjusted appropriately?” Dr Mir raised an eyebrow as he held onto his cup of tea.

 

“I haven’t felt this good in ages Doctor, the last time I felt this great was when I won silver with Viktor.” Yuuri smiled at the memory replaying in his head. Winning a metal with his idol coaching him. He never would’ve thought his idol would every become more than that. His soulmate.

 

“How are you coping without Viktor Yuuri?” Dr Mir put down his tea and picked up his tea, beginning to take notes.

 

“It was really tough when I started and it’s still hard now, but nowhere near as bad as before. I’m writing letters Doctor. Letters to Viktor telling him how I’m going. I know I’m not allowed to send them and he can’t see me but I feel like this is working for me.”

 

“Hmm ok, that’s good. Keep that up. It’s also good for...”

 

“Self reflection? I thought so too. I feel so committed to fighting this battle. Not just for Viktor, but for me.” Yuuri chuckled as he cut off his therapist. They had a good relationship. Talking with him wasn’t so clinical like other therapists Yuuri had seen over the years, it felt more natural. Like talking to a friend.

 

A smile began to form on Dr Mir’s face. “I’m glad your making progress Yuuri and that your feeling comfortable. The remainder of your rehab period is now learning coping mechanisms in response to triggers and we need to work together to identify them.”

 

Yuuri nodded.

 

“Shall we recap what we’ve established on our journey so far?”

 

Yuuri nodded yet again, he found it nice to sometimes be silent and not use so many words all the time.

 

“So, we’ve established that you by nature are a reserved character, but your anxiety really became prominent during the age of 13, around the time you started puberty. Your previous therapist thought your depression was hormone related. But we have since worked together to find the true source. The childhood bullying.”

 

Yuuri only did a slow, slight nod this time. He still felt uncomfortable about the topic but needed to face it.

 

“Now you hid this from your parents pretty well. You were punched and kicked by the bullies as well as called a variety of malicious names. This is why the kidnapping had such a huge impact on you as well as the other scenarios that Viktor told me about prior to our meeting regarding Phichit. Not only is a kidnapping a traumatising experience in itself but it triggered you. The constant physical abuse took you back to your childhood in Japan. It broke you once again.”

 

Yuuri felt like tears were starting to well up in his eyes but he didn’t cry. They were tears to happiness. He was finally able to validate his feelings and why they existed.

 

“Your self esteem all these years has been at an all time low because of what those bullies called you. You are so afraid of physical violence because of their actions. Now Yuuri, I’ve made a plan for the next few weeks and provided that we stay on track, you should be able to return home in two months time. Now I need you to continue to dedicate yourself to reaching your goal and I want you to review the letters that would’ve written to Viktor whenever you feel down to see how much you’ve improved. Are you ready to start this next phase?”

 

Dr Mir extended his hand to Yuuri. An offer to help quiet the voice in his head that disrupts the harmony.

 

Yuuri shook his hand in acceptance. He was willing to do whatever it takes to get better. He was ready to find peace, if how he felt now was only a small piece of the pie, the most he has ever known in years, he wanted it all. He hadn’t felt this determined since Viktor walked into his life. Since he last participated in the Grand Prix tournament.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Viktor freaks out about Yurio. Not long until Yuuri is back!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo, hello again! This one is a pretty short chapter but the next one will be a bit longer (most likely), but that will come out when it’s ready.
> 
> Enjoy!

_**Help me, it’s like the walls are caving in. Sometimes I feel like giving up but I just can’t, it isn’t in my blood.** _

_**Laying on the bathroom floor feeling nothing.** _

 

Viktor’s heart drops as he hears the music pouring out of the bathroom.

 

_Yurio._

 

He immediately drops his breakfast croissant and dashes towards the bathroom. He knocks on the door rapidly and frantically. Sobbing, he gets ready to bash the door down when Yurio opens the door yawning.

 

“What Nikiforov? I fell asleep in the bathroom last night, didn’t quite make it to bed after my shower. Accidentally rolled over onto the volume button on my phone, sorry for the loud noise.”

 

Viktor sinks down to his knees and bawls his eyes out by the door frame. Yurio tries to stand next to him supportively, unsure what to do.

 

“You can’t just do that to me Yurio... That music, that same bathroom, that unresponsiveness. I almost lost one person I care deeply for. I wasn’t ready to lose another.”

 

Yurio rubs reassuring circles on Viktor’s back.

 

“I know you struggle being around all us gross adults at the rink all the time, with nobody who you can truly relate to, and your family life isn’t the best, and you deserve so much better Yurio.”

 

“Viktor...”

 

“I try my best and I know it’s nowhere near enough in comparison to what you deserve so I don’t blame you for feeling down all the time. You’re like a brother to me Yurio. You’re family. If I lost you, I don’t know what I’d do...”

 

Yurio starts to tear up and wraps Viktor up into a huge bear hug.

 

“Viktor. You need to stop. You’ve got such a generous heart. You are like a brother to me. I know you think I hate everyone at the rink but you know I need to keep my image. I love the rink and everyone there. Just don’t tell them otherwise I’ll have to break your neck.”

 

Both of them let out a soft chuckle.

 

“And you have gone above and beyond to make me feel wanted and loved. Something my own family failed to do. I could never thank you enough.”

 

Viktor gives Yurio another hug, they move to the lounge room.

 

“I’ve learnt from Yuuri about how to deal with my issues. I’ve learnt from his mistakes. My parents may have regretfully brought me into this world but I sure as hell ain’t leaving yet. It’s my time to shine baby.”

 

Yurio mimics JJ’s signature pose. Both men become hysterical.

 

“How are you holding up though Viktor?”

 

Viktor’s face falls slightly and he grips his morning coffee a bit tighter now.

 

“Talking to the shrink has helped a bit. I didn’t realise how dependent on Yuuri I had become.”

 

“You don’t say?” Yurio rolls his eyes so hard, the could pop out of their sockets.

 

“I miss him Yurio. My life seems empty like it was previously. Having you around and staying over makes my days so much easier but it’s still not the same. It’s like all colour has seeped out of my world.”

 

“Well you only got two more weeks buddo, then you can spoon all you want with lover boy.”

 

Yurio picks up the remaining breakfast dishes and goes to the kitchen.

 

“Do you think everything will be the same after this Yurio? Will he be different after this treatment?” Viktor shouts to Yurio from the couch. The kitchen is literally 3 meters from the living room because of the open planned layout but he still deems it necessary.

 

“You imbecile. That boy could be brainwashed by aliens to destroy all humans and he’d still love you. He had posters of you everywhere in his room. He treats you like a god!”

 

The corner of Viktor’s mouth presents a small smirk. Although absurd, Yurio was right. His love for Yuuri was undying and it went both ways. Not an hour went past without Viktor thinking of Yuuri.

 

Viktor grabbed a pen from the coffee table and added another dash to the tally. 12 days now. 12 days until Viktor could finally see Yuuri again. It had been two and a half months since Viktor had seen Yuuri and the thought of reuniting bought a tear to his eye.

 

Viktor reaches into a draw in the coffee table and took out a sketch book. He flipped to his most recent work. Yuuri ice skating. A close up on his face.

 

“Not long now my love.”

 

He caressed Yuuri’s face with his pointing finger before closing the book and putting it away.

 

To any stranger, Viktor would appear to be a stalker, but really, Viktor craved to see his soulmate. Something he had been deprived from for almost three months. A curse that would be broken in 12 days.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri’s back baby and he’s full of surprises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took a while to upload, I remain undecided on how I want to solidify the plot as I come up with more ideas and school is a pain but here you go!

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. It was as if the clock on the wall was mocking Viktor. Today was the day. Reunion day. Viktor hadn’t seen his beloved in what felt like a lifetime. A pretty boring lifetime. One that had been deprived of any happiness. He continued to pace around the house. Rearranging the various flower arrangements around the house he had ordered for today. Scrubbing the kitchen counters to the point you could eat off them. Vacuuming the house as if his life depended on it. During this period of chaos, Yurio just watched periodically, amused, as he read a magazine on the couch.

 

Viktor wanted today to be perfect. No. He wanted their reunion to be perfect. He had it all planned out in his head. He’d wait for Yuuri at the arrivals gate. He would run towards him. Viktor would run to him too. They embrace each other for an eternity in the airport. Everyone would be watching but that’s ok. Viktor wanted his love for Yuuri to be on display for the whole word to see. In Viktor’s mind, they were both already on the top of the world. Everyone envied what they had. He was truly the king of the world, and Yuuri was his queen. Viktor would smell of honeysuckle, a subtle scent, not an overpowering one, and Yuuri would smell floral. A scent that would capture the moment of bliss they were in.

 

“Oi Grandpa”. Yurio had to have his hand in Viktor’s face to break his day dream. Viktor shook his head, trying to come back to reality.

 

“Your boyfriend’s plane got delayed. The snow is a bit heavy out there. He hasn’t even left yet. He’ll arrive in 3 or so hours.”

 

Viktor’s face fell into a frown. He’d been deprived for so long of his Yuuri. It was like the gods above were tormenting him now.

 

“Cheer up buddo. Go take a shower, you’re perspiring everywhere!” Yurio punched Viktor in the arm playfully.

 

Viktor looked down at his shirt. White clearly wasn’t a good idea for today.

 

“Ok, I’ll be quick! I don’t want to be late to pick him up!”

 

Viktor rushed off into the master bathroom to have a shower. The plumbing could be heard working away.

 

As soon as the master bathroom door locked Yurio headed towards the front door and swung it wide open.

 

“Shh. He doesn’t know you’re here, he’s showering.”

 

Yuuri basically jumped inside, wrapping Yurio up in the tightest hug possible. With Yuuri’s black puffy jacket on, they looked like a sushi roll.

 

“I missed you so much. Thanks for looking after Viktor, I knew you would.”

 

“It’s no worries Yuuri. You’re my family. Now we have to be quick to get you into position, he’ll be out of the shower soon.”

 

Yuuri went to make his way towards the master bedroom to leave his stuff, but he froze. In his line of sight was the guest bathroom. A place that marked the lowest point in his life so far. He abandoned his suitcase. Taking deep breaths, he proceeded slowly towards door, slowly opening it. He knew he had to confront this face on. He hadn’t spent months at a mental health facility for nothing. Yuuri’s therapist had recommended this. Address it quickly and in a safe environment. He was safe. He has Yurio and Viktor nearby.

 

He closed his eyes as he opened the door and reached around for the light switch.

 

_Ok Yuuri, you’ll open your eyes in 3. 2. 1._

 

As he opened his eyes, part of him expected to fall back into that void once again but he felt nothing but a little bit of butterflies. The bathroom was completely different. Refurbished.

 

“I knew Viktor would look after me.” Yuuri muttered to himself. He thought his love for the man couldn’t get any bigger but the more and more he saw of the house and the way it was maintained all for him, it grew exponentially.

 

Yuuri put his suitcase in the master bedroom. Yurio creeped in.

 

“I’m going to leave you two lovebirds alone for a few hours, I don’t wanna be traumatised.” Yurio gave the peace sign and left. Yuuri could hear the door close and lock behind him.

 

Yuuri blushed and chucked slightly as he changed into his ‘playful’ nighttime attire and laid on the bed, awaiting for Viktor to get out any second.

 

Yuuri heard the plumbing turn off. His heart started to race. He hadn’t done this in months. The adrenaline was going. He could hear Viktor humming from the other side of the door. What used to be a nuisance was now something Yuuri cherished and revelled in.

 

It was only a few seconds later that Viktor had finally opened the door. Yuuri didn’t know what to expect. Viktor’s jaw just dropped, speechless, along with his towel. This wasn’t the encounter he had played out in his head but he wasn’t complaining. It was a night of wild displays of emotion and heart to hearts. They were both drowning in one another’s love for each other as they spooned each other in bed and had deep and meaningful discussions. They vowed to continue supporting each other. They vowed for no more darkness.


End file.
